Meaningful Engagement

In differentiating between aimless activities routine and result oriented pursuit , in my popular management intervention product : “Busyness to Business” ; I have often used the phrase – ‘ Meaningful engagement ‘ . In “Made to Mother” – another of my unique Leadership Intervention I have said that Maids get busy , whereas Mothers – who work for no less hours , are meaningfully engaged
While most instinctively relate to it , some of you felt interested for me to elaborate on what is meant by ‘ Meaningful engagement ‘ . Hence this note
To my mind , meaningful engagement happens when 4 components come together in sequence
o Desired destination – when there is a well defined , desired Goal – your clarity on what you want to achieve . This anchors you & gets you on a path
o Directed efforts — There exists a clear plan ( the path to your destination ) and working to a plan . There is a definite ‘ Cause & Effect ‘ to what you do . There is no adhockism . That you achieve something or not , is a result of your effort , not a part of your luck . This brings in predictability . It’s like playing a game of Dart with your eyes open v/s playing in a dark rook with your eyes closed
o Progression on milestones – Regardless of its pace , every moment is in the forward direction , neither lull nor going in reverse , every moment adds something , has a meaning to be there . Intrinsic to it is that there are pre set milestones , against which progress is measured . This helps you strengthen / refine your plan
o Self fulfillment : Whether at destination or while on journey when you have a sense of fulfillment , you know that you are engaged in something meaningful — something worthwhile . Success is not just in the outcome , but how FULL you feel from inside

LABOUR or CARE – What would you choose

• There are two optional routes to approach to a task : LABOUR , CARE
  • LABOUR
    • Restricts to the ‘ body ‘ of work , understanding of task is through activities alone
    • Approach is very transactional – ‘ what do I get for what I do ‘
    • Efforts may be sincere , hard -not aligned with ‘ why ‘ of ‘ what ‘ and Self centric
    • Finally , it is a Job , not a Cause you work for
    • Labour approach is best exemplified by a ‘ Maid ‘
  • CARE
    • Focuses on the ‘ soul ‘ of work , understanding task through connecting with the purpose
    • Approach is of ‘ Ownership’ , of long term relationship
    • Efforts are aligned with purpose and much Customer centric
    • Finally it is a Cause you work for , which is higher than self
    • A ‘ Mother ‘ is the best example of  Care approach
  • Evolutionary journey in life requires to be from Labour to Care . It is a journey across concentric circles outward from the (self )center
  • It is a choice one needs to make , preferably earlier than later

An Alternative Approach to Work … & Life !

‘  ‘ It’s not my job ‘ , is a very popularly heard phrase in the Corporate World – which is the flip side of an otherwise very useful tool called – Job Description ( JD ) . JD helps one more clarity on his / her role responsibility & what is expected from the role . Unfortunately most use JD to have clarity on what is not listed therein, to claim as ‘ This is not my Job ‘

While above remains as the time tested , evergreen , conventional work approach , idea here is to present an alternative work ( & hence Life ) approach , for those , who it can help
This alternative approach which I discovered & am following since , works around asking 3 questions in succession , when you see anything around ( work , item , aspect , emotion , person … just about anything ) :

o Does this ( work ) need to be done ? .. if the answer is ‘Yes ‘ , go to the second question
o Can I do it ? (vis-à-vis your ability to do it ), if the answer is ‘Yes ‘ , go to next question
o Will I do it ? ( to do with your willingness & time availability )

If the answer to the 3rd / last question is ‘ Yes ‘ , just do it , regardless of your JD … doesn’t matter whose job it is

Let me explain to you with an example . You have a part time housemaid who comes everyday to wash used utensils . She is absent from last 2 days , without notice , as a result utensils to be cleaned have piled up in your kitchen sink & you are feeling short of utensils for cooking . You have two choices … wait until the day your maid shows up or get an alternative arrangement for cleaning , including yourself cleaning . Now try using my alternative work approach , ask 3 successive questions :

o Does this ( work ) need to be done ? Your answer is likely to be ‘ Yes ‘ -Go to next question
o Can I do it ? , Not being a skilled job , your answer is ‘Yes ‘ , go to next question
o Will I do it ? – Decide based on your time & mental comfort … may be you will say ‘Yes’

In reality , you would have acted much earlier than 2 days … you would understand that these 3 questions would have crossed your subconscious mind & answered in affirmative , even before you realized . This is how we work in our personal life … unfortunately when it comes to our work , we become Maids & think it is someone else’s job !

You just need to be careful while answering the 3rd question …. It is not just a matter of your time ( availability ) , but your will / your mental comfort . If you feel by doing that job ( which was not “ Your Job “ , you feel angry or you feel you are doing a favour or you feel it is a big sacrifice … & hence feel burdened , it is not worth you undertaking that task , because it is going to stress you – If you don’t have the ‘ will ‘ to do it , don’t do it . Say yes to the 3rd question only if you are free of any psychological encumbrances

I have always said that it will not be the Talent deficit , but Perspective deficit which will prove decisive difference between an Outstanding & an Ordinary, in the race at high performance end ; because “ What you do is a function of how you see “ . Conventional ( JD bound ) approach defines a Maid & the new ( JD led , but not restrictive ) approach is what Mothers choose

I am sharing this unconventional approach not to propagate its use — finally you should have your own will ! – but just to make you aware that there does exist an alternative approach beyond the conventional route ( not my job ) you know , so that you can , if you choose to use it .The paths for the two approaches are different & I can tell you that if you are the person with a burning career ambition , this new approach is for you .

If you ask me whether this approach by one will lead to his/ her exploitation . My answer is No ! , since you have a choice of saying ‘ No ‘ to the 3rd question … but if you do not feel burdened in answering Q 3 , exploitation or not … please say YES . Now imagine if we can have more & more of us taking this alternative approach , how grossly different World we will make !

What is true for Work is also true for Life & vice versa … These 3 questions – which I learnt from my Mother’s & Wife’s behavior , will help you at any stage in life !

Value Creation

• I have a simple – home made – definition of what is adding value
  • If whatever you are actively associated with , becomes different & better because of or with you than without you , then you have added value . And if this happens as a directed effort , in a definitive pattern , then you know how to add value – you are in a Value Creation business
• I have another , simplistic ( again home made ) understanding of when value gets created
  • Value is created only when you do something AHEAD of (i) Time , or (ii) Asking , or (iii) Expectations
  • When you do / fulfill anything which was required / asked for / expected from you … even if you respond in a timely manner … it does not create value ; it just neutralizes what would have been a negative value had you not attended to that demand / requirement .
  • The moment some thing is raised as : Demand , Expectation , Known requirement ( JD) against you … you are already into ‘ negative ‘ – best you can do is to ‘ neutralize ‘ by quick & meaningfully responding . If it is asked , you have lost the initiative to add value
  • On the other hand if you don’t even respond to what is required / asked for , you create a negative value
• The whole essence of this Value Creation concept or what you can see as a ‘ fulcrum ‘ of value creation is the word “ AHEAD “ . The key is to be ahead or lead in value creation process . Most of the world , most of the time is in Reactive mode — always chasing something , that is the reason why most don’t or can’t create value . In reactive mode you are always chasing something ahead of you , whereas Value creation requires that you are in a Proactive mode to ‘ lead ‘ , by thinking or sensing or realizing or innovating something Ahead of somebody
• While there are certain set of abilities ( Sensing ,Communication ,Planning ,Thinking ,…) constitution ( Caring , Understanding , Reflective , Learning ,…) and orientation ( Customer focused , Win-within-Win , …) that you need to create value and that there are methods & mechanisms to help you create value — elaborating on which is a subject of a separate article ; purpose of this blog is to create an awareness in you to know that the Essence of Value Creation is one concept – AHEAD  !

“ Aukaat “ Apani – Apani

• The (Hindi) word ‘Aukaat ‘is a very useful word – though currently much maligned, due its usage in a derogatory way.
  • Many use it specifically to ‘ remind ‘ some one of his / her low standing , to denigrate , to humiliate – to express self , relative hierarchical superiority
• To me, whatever ‘meaning ‘– is what we attach to a word. Words by themselves are only neutral carriers – we load a meaning on them ; hence a word per say is neither good or bad , it’s only an obedient tool to express what the master wants to
• Aukaat, actually is a very beautiful concept. To me , it is indicative of a ‘ Boundary ‘ … boundary in itself being neither good nor bad , it just defines the ‘ expanse ‘ & where it ends
• In life , to progress ; it is not much about what you don’t have it is more about we knowing what we have , how much does it stretch & consequentially therefore , where does it end – exactly like little kingdoms we had earlier , each having its boundary ( Nations being little kjngdoms of today ) or ‘ territory ‘ of an animal in a jungle !
  • For Peace & Progress, size was not as important as to know the boundary, so that there is at least no intentional encroachment into someone else’s territory. Within each’s own / independent territory each had enormous scope to create own ‘Heavens ‘….. Didn’t people in Singapore transformed, what was a small marshy land?
• The same is true for an individual, to know ‘what is there ‘& ‘where it ends ‘. To excel in life it is not about what you don’t have which is a barrier , but not knowing about it – which leads to misadventure & hence a disaster
• In fact it is my conviction that only when you (or only those who) know your ‘play area ‘ & where it ends, is when you really excel. Those who lack this knowledge ( actual word – ‘ Awareness ‘ ) remain directionless , dabble in many things , often clueless ( like playing Darts in the dark with eyes closed ) and end up at much suboptimal levels , topped up with frustration — not because they lacked in ability , but because they did not know about their abilities & their limitations
• That is where I come back to the beautiful concept of “ Aukaat “ , which makes us aware of out\r boundaries / our limitations , so that we can play, within our play area maximizing on our strengths and thereby excel in whatever we do
• There are examples & examples of successful application of this concept – both Positive & Negative
  • Sachin Tendulkar is a Glorious example of excelling in his strength area & not venturing beyond that boundary – it was wise for him to give up Captaincy to focus on & excel in Batting – Hundred 100s .
  • On the other hand there is an example in Ramayana & Mahabharat of crossing Boundary & failing … Seeta Maiya crossed the boundary Lakshman drew for her ( Lakshman Rekha ) …. She would have been invincible by playing from within that boundary
  • Abhimanyu — glorious example of valour , knew how to get into a Chakravyuh , did not know of how to get out – got killed ‘ crossing the line ‘
• In sum therefore, I have grown fond of & convinced about the Power of the concept of “Aukaat “…. It is a beautiful, potent word / concept.
• So I would encourage you to , instead of reminding someone else of his / her aukaat , it is more productive to get to know your own aukaat , because I am convinced that , only then you have a greater opportunity to excel , by playing within own aukaat . I have started practicing this.
• For those , still skeptical about ‘ playing within aukaat ‘ , let me hasten to clarify the trade off , between the Short term & Long term in pursuit of excellence is that : In the short term , best shot at excellence is playing within the boundary ; while simultaneously working on stretching boundaries for long term excellence

Life Cycle : Sequence of events post an Achievement

I believe that every moment in our life has a reason to exist . Each moment needs to be recognised , acknowledged , respectfully received , cherished -while in it & when the momentary life of the moment is passed , it must be let go . The essence of a moment is to add Momentum , when it does that , its role is to move on . Hence while we should live each moment fully , we should leave it when it is over — not get stuck in it , simply because there is another moment knocking at our door . The problem is not ‘ immersing ‘ into a moment , but in not coming out of it !

Essentially therefore every moment must be full of Life ; Life needs to move on , beyond the moment . This is particularly true for moments of Highs & Lows , Exhilaration & Exasperation — we need to be conscious to move beyond the moment . I believe the cycle of ‘ Achievement ‘ has a sequence of  4 successive moments : Moments of Glory , Humility , Gratitude & Action  . I created this for my Daughter -Aditi , when she cleared her CA final – one of the most challenging exams . Sharing with you for a larger good !  

• Moment of Glory
  • Experience an unadulterated happiness , be in the moment of Glory for a day or two . You must enjoy the achievement and feel truly happy . Don’t let any other thought , person or event interfere in your thus feeling
• Moment of Humility
  • Once soaking in the Glory is complete , come out of it completely without a trace . Now touch down on ground and have your feet firmly there . Become normal , humble about success , know that regardless of what you have achieved , there are miles yet to go . Recognise that you are neither the only one , nor the first one nor the best one yet …. and many more have achieved much more ahead of you . Unless you shed your arrogance , air , you will not be able to focus on the task selflessly with 100 % concentration
• Moment of Gratitude
  • Realise that you alone could not have achieved so much . Surely there is a contribution of some ( if not many ) to your success – directly or indirectly . You need to remember them and recognize their role in your achievement , give everybody his / her due
• Moment of Action
  • Once above three stages are over , you need to swing into action … get your focus right & get 100 % into what should be ‘ your next ‘

WHAT DID I LEAVE BEHIND

 It all began with me asking myself this routine question , before leaving a place . I did not understand the POWER of this innocuous sounding question , till when I paused to reflect on it . I realized , apart from an obvious physicality , it has many more dimensions if you care to hear what it means …. “ What did I leave behind “, or rather “ What am I leaving behind “ can be such an anchoring thought – if you really listen to what it means , that can help keep us / our behavior in check
 If we go deeper , it can help unravel what ALL can we possibly leave behind on different dimensions ; like :
o Impression
 Everything we do ( or don’t do ) has our invisible quality signature . ‘Advertant ‘ or inadvertent – we always leave an impression behind & it is important for us to know / realise as to ‘What are we leaving behind ‘
o Performance
 We may not , but what we achieve ( or fail to achieve ) will remain on public memory & will remind them of us – positively or negatively , that is why we need to be conscious of ‘ What are we leaving behind ‘
o Demonstration / example What are we leaving behind
 We may or may not be conscious , but by our behavior – which people can see – we can be a role model to follow / not follow for those ‘ behind ‘ . It is our choice to be aware of ‘What are we leaving behind ‘
o Reputation
 So is the case of Reputation , which is the ‘ Sum Effect ‘ of our thoughts , words & deeds If we want people to remember for what we are , I guess , it is important for us to know – ‘What are we leaving behind ‘
o Legacy
 I have shared in my earlier blogs , psychographically there are two types of people : Trader type or Businessman types .Traders are focused on creation of material wealth ( which can be faceless and transient ) ; Businessmen want to make a difference , they are desirous of leaving Legacy behind ; it is our choice – ‘What are we leaving behind ‘
o Memories , history
 History is created by those who are on a mission , who are conscious of their purpose & reason for their existence ; They are aware and on a directed efforts ; we don’t need to alert them on , ‘ What are we leaving behind ‘
o Mess / orderliness
 Do I need to elaborate on what is happening here & why . This is a largely prevalent behavior of majority who is less self ware and much less socially conscious — They will not do what they are doing ( probably innocently ) if only they become aware of – ‘ What are we leaving behind ‘
o Creations : Product , Process , Progeny , Ideas , Innovations , Tools , Formats , Art
 Whatever we do or choose to pursue in life , the message is clear & universal — ‘ What are we leaving behind ‘ ; if only we know this , we will be very different , optimally leveraged & hugely fulfilling !
 Thus , ‘ What did you ( or I ) leave behind , is such a guiding thought , it helps realization in us on what is appropriate, what is not ; so that we are well equipped to make a right behavior choice
 On one hand , this question can humble us with a realization of enormous potential we have in what / how much are we able to ( create & ) leave behind ; on the other hand it can create a high sense of urgency , realizing that vis-à-vis our capacity , how much we are underleveraged – how much more that we can , but how much less are we leaving behind !
 When now that you realise the enormity of potential and possibilities , for what your actions in the moment can leave behind ; there is a possibility that you can be more aware , alert in the moment you act , to think & design to leave behind what you will , looking back , feel proud about , both quantitatively – but more importantly , Qualitatively !

Get Beyond Self

( Just back from Engagement ceremony of our dear Daughter ADITI  today , which also happens to be her Birthday . Chose this auspicious occasion to post this profound note which can bring in deep enlightenment and impact )  

There is a Sanskrit Subhashit ,which says that You are your Best Friend , as also your Worst Enemy . In effect on one hand all the ingredients to reach pinnacle are within us & on the other hand ; enormous power to hold us back from what we can be , also resides within us .
It has been conjectured , hypothesized and documented in study literature that most of us die underleveraged to an extent of up to 95 % — living up to just about 5 % of what we are capable of ! There are obviously some strong ‘ Gravity ‘ factors , an inner inertia , which holds us back . If only we can recognize & break these ( internal ) barriers , it can take us from a 5 % level to a potentially 100 % level .
Our Values , Beliefs , Thoughts , Judgments , Opinions , Biases bind us to what we think we know than explore what we do not know – we don’t know. This are the limiting walls , beyond which we can’t grow . These not only limit our options , but typecasts us into a pattern – almost like ‘ locking in ‘ ;unable to move with flexibility to explore what we can .
Qualitatively , the framework of our Beliefs , Values etc becomes a reference point from which we assess / ascertain or judge ‘ others’ position . This makes us a ‘ relative ‘ ( to ourselves ) thinker , robbing our access to absolute ( unbiased ) thinking
Though we are innocently unaware of this ; considering the gravity of the situation breaking these constraining shackles is not easy … it is not just ‘ opening up ; it is more like breaking the Sound Barrier . It is about liberating the ‘ soul ‘ from the ( constraining ) body – It is about “ Getting beyond Self “
Since the biggest barrier for us in life is our self , once we succeed getting past this barrier ( self ) , by definition , there is nothing more to conquer & nothing can stop you – this is where you unleash your fullest potential – unhindered ; that is why it is a ‘ Liberation ‘ stage
“Getting beyond Self ”– is about ‘ defying the gravity ‘ which pulls us down on – at each of the 3 components / levels . We will have to ‘ free ‘ our self on each level .
o Body
o Mind
o Soul
Body – getting fitter , health & energy ahead of your edge
Mind – Choose & make your Work , your Cause , higher than yourself . You can be ordinary( Who You are ) ; but don’t let your work ( What You do ) anything less than extraordinary !
Soul – getting rid of your bondages : Fear , Insecurities , Guilt , Shame , Beliefs , Biases — anything which can hold you back
How do we reach , ‘ beyond self ‘ ?
o Develop Self awareness – Get to know yourself better — Get to know & feel the Elephant you are , so that you develop / see perspectives beyond that of only ‘ One Blind Man ‘ – which is you currently
 Know what you are / are not ; what can liberate you / what can hold you back
o Build Powerful Perspectives – hold a larger perspective to life than just around yourself ; a perspective like “ Win-within-Win “, which helps you to see yourself as a part of a Larger Whole . It tells you to contribute to larger good , with the conviction that your part of the larger good will be larger than good ( better )
Getting beyond yourself is real Nirvana — a Spiritual Journey of real liberation from all Physical , Psychological bondages – You will feel light , you will ‘ flow ‘ ; being in fluidic state will be easy also for you to ‘ connect ‘ / ‘ reach ‘ with the world around . On one hand you can assimilate as much as you want ( with no barrier ) or on the other hand or you can choose to dissolve , surrender & be a part of the larger Being .
Since in this state , you are ‘ outside you’ , you will be amorphous – not bound by a contour / ‘ geography ‘ – you can take the shape you want .
As a corollary , you will no longer be in a ‘ relative ‘ ( to yourself ) frame of mind , when looking at others – there is no question of ‘ judging ‘ anyone since there is no ( Cartesian system of Coordinate Axes with you at the ( 0,0 ) origin ) framework to judge against . You will hence be in an ‘ absolute ‘ stage – which is the form of Truth , Purity — this is the stage perfectly amenable to assimilate or dissolve into the larger Purity ( In Hindu Philosophy , this is a process of Aatma uniting Paramaatma – being a part of the larger whole )
Liberating self from clutches of self , is Real Nirvana !

Two Tenets of Ownership : Custodian , Possession

• I always thought Ownership — means OWNERSHIP , complete commitment ! Like a Mother to a child or a driven person to a cause
• However my understanding matured & expanded through what I observed around me & learnt through them . It gave me so much clarity on two extremes of shades of ‘ Ownership ‘ as is being understood & practiced – I take it as my obligation to bring to you the same enlightenment
• I have now come to realise that in practice there are two tenets of Ownership ( one intended & one mistaken ) which form the two extreme ends of an ‘ Ownership Spectrum ‘
  • One is the “ Custodianship “ end – which is what is implicit in the concept of Ownership , &
  • The other end is “ Possession “ which is a mistaken notion of ownership
• Custodianship
  • This is the true & larger meaning of ownership
  • It invokes a sense of belonging & is about caring about what you ‘ own’ – be it a cause , your child , your country , your community
  • It generally involves a ‘ surrender to a cause ‘ ; a selfless disposition to what you are doing / intend to do . The focus is not on self , but on the cause – which is always bigger than yourself
  • It is about focus & uncontaminated attention . It is about nurturing . You will do everything possible to ensure safety & fulfilment of the cause — often unprompted !
  • The purpose & commitment here is long sustained & approach is ‘ relationship ‘ oriented
• Possession
  • This is grown through popular / oversimplified misconception of meaning of ownership
  • It is about ‘ owning ‘ something as your ‘ possession — as your ‘ property ‘ … This can go beyond material possessions ; can even extend to your own child !
  • Quite contrary to a ‘ surrender ‘ ; it is about ‘ subservience ‘ – about clearly establishing hierarchy & concept of supremacy / subjugation .
  • The focus is clearly & unquestionably on self , everything else is subsidiary to self interest . It is fueled by Ego & smacks of arrogance .
  • Contrary to concept of attention and care ; it is about ‘ exploitation ‘ — it is like “ I have every right over something , because I paid for it “ ( typical feel of a “ Malik “ , in Hindi )
  • The approach is logically , very transactional and opportunistic .
• Clarity , Insight & Perspective is what I bring to the table , always – so in this case . As a committed & experienced Coach I felt it my obligation to bring you this clarity , with which you can choose the path you want to take on the ‘ Ownership Spectrum ‘ , since you take accountability for your decision ; just that you are well informed & well equipped to make a careful choice
• I have made my choice ; for me ‘ Custodianship ‘ is not just the better & more inclusive concept ; it is the ONLY way of taking and exercising Ownership ! You need to decide for yourself , independently – It is Your Choice , because it is Your Life !

Disappointment is less disappointing than Frustration

• Disappointment , Frustration are very commonly used words ; especially in the context of Performance management or Stress management . Probably we use them interchangeably without much bothering to think what does each mean & if they both mean the same
• Before I do my ‘ sense making ‘ on this , I searched dictionary , to find following :
  • Disappointment : “ Sadness or displeasure caused by the non-fulfilment of one’s hopes or expectations.”
  • Frustration : “ The feeling of being upset or annoyed as a result of being unable to change or achieve something.”
• In the least I note from dictionary that while Disappointment is to do with ‘ non fulfillment ‘ ; Frustration is to do more with one ‘ inability ‘ to achieve something .While I agree with this ‘ reading between the lines ‘ ; to me there is a vast and fundamental difference between what is disappointment & what is frustration . Here is my take , my Sense making
• Disappointment v/s Frustration
  • I agree that disappointment is about not achieving something ( result / outcome ) ; frustration is about one’s inability to be able to achieve
  • Disappointment is related to an event , a transaction , whereas frustration is about a person’s state of mind
  • Therefore disappointment is a transient phenomenon , frustration is likely to be relatively permanent state of mind . If we ( rather loosely ) use analogy of Change & Transformation , where a change is transient & reversible ; transformation is permanent – similarly in case of disappointment , frustration
  • They are also likely to be ‘ sequential ‘ … it probably takes a series of disappointing events to reach a state of frustration
  • Consequentially disappointment ( hopefully ) leads to action ; frustration is a dead end ; it leads to inaction
  • You can overcome stage of disappointment ; frustration turns you into permanent ‘ negativity ‘ … you tend to speak only negatively & link everything to your frustration .
• Reason for me to seek this clarity for you is not just for your Knowledge . If you recollect my earlier post on KURI …. I want you / more & more people get a better understanding of this fundamental difference between the two terms & importantly reach your ‘ Realisation ‘ , which will prompt an action .
  • Understanding here is that Disappointment & Frustration are two fundamentally different states ; one takes you to action , other to inaction
  • Realisation from this can be : Since Frustration is sequential to Disappointment & it is a Dead-End , once reached that — it is almost non reversible ‘ disability ‘ of mind ; one needs to be alert at any Disappointment to address it quickly – not let it simmer & set into Frustration , which will be a  Point of NO Return ; hence one should proactively never allow him/ herself to reach that stage
• Before I sign off , I thus urge you to not just sit on this useful Knowledge , but pick your Realisation & move into Action , so that you never become frustrated in life !